Busy, Busy.

Buck and Guinness sleeping together.

The last few days I have been living in the basement working on Eric's costume. Well, maybe not living in the basement but I have been spending hours down there in my art/craft room coming up only for food and caffeine.

So far I'm almost done with his leather tux coat with tails. Just need to get some more of the lining sewn in and I'm done. I've finished a gold/copper/bronze brocade vest. The fabric is oh-so-pretty. And I've started work on his cane. I still need the top hat, tie and steampunk embellishments all done by Saturday, even though I have two solid days of work and one evening where I can't sew. I have visions of working until the last moment.


Coffee at Anodyne with Emily S.

Saturday I met with another Emily about running the business end of an Etsy site. This is the first time I've tried creating a business that I want to work at, then finding someone else to run it. :-)

Tonight it's Ann Comton and the blog I write for Smart Talk and then daycare tomorrow and Wednesday and work on the non-profit both nights with Emily K. I will be tired. I hope I'll have a brain left...

More

It can be really hard to get back to blogging when you haven't done it in a long while. I can't believe I used to do it every day for two years! Can I get back to that? I don't know. I find that I've shrunk back from public view, probably to protect myself, but in reality, it's not a good thing. So. Here I am. Again.

These days I'm working on doing things that are not stressful. I realize that after saying that you're going to think I've gone completely mad when I tell you what I'm up to, but these are things I don't find stressful. At least not in a bad way. So here goes;

I'm working on finishing up my zombie book. Half of it is art so it's taking me a while, but boy, is it fun to work on. And gross. And I love it when someone sees what I'm doing and lets out an "Ewwwww!"



There are two steampunk costumes I need to finish up. One is for Eric and his steampunk Scottish ball. That is coming up next weekend. The other costume is for me at the Convergence convention this year. The convention is in the beginning of July so I have a little time for that one. I'm also working on a portable video camera monitor and two way communication so that I can "bring" someone with me to the convention and they can see what I see and do in realtime and I can talk with them as well. If it works it's going to be sooo much fun this year.



Pam has needed graphic design work for her business card and "Chico" bags. That's almost done.

I'm working on a steampunk chandelier for the dining room.



Working on an Etsy site and getting someone else to run it. I would like to just be an artist for once. :-)



Genealogy, of course is not forgotten and I'm working on a website for it. It's hard for me to know when to start throwing things up on line. It's an unending project so...? I should just bite the bullet and do it as is. Maybe after the weekend. Yeah...

There is more, always more, but for now, I'm done.

Joco

Joco has comforted me through two marriages, three deaths and was my first thought in the morning when I woke. Most of my friends brought him treats when they visited or knew where the treat jar was and would give him one as soon as they entered the house.



Strangers would stop us on the street to tell me what a pretty dog he was and would often have treats on hand they would give him. That happened so many times I lost track of the numbers. One woman actually stopped in the middle of an intersection to give him one. One of my neighbors at the old house would buy him a bone every time she went to the store and threw it over the fence on the way back home.



Then there were the "manly men." You know the type; pickup driving, hunting and fishing men would would light up when they met him, usually saying "He's so big!" with envy in their eyes. Joco inspired love.



When I say Joco was the best dog ever, it's not just me. I have a lot of believers in that statement. With Joco gone I feel like I've lost part of me.

Joco

Joco has been having health problems and they were decidedly worse when I got back from NY. It looks like he had a bad fall while I was gone and damaged his back. The vet gave me more pain killers and anti-inflammatory pills, but he's really having a bad time of it. At this point he can barely walk and his hind legs only support him part of the time. I've been half carrying him outside when he has to go, which is difficult with a 100 pound dog to say the least. I'm just hoping he'll get better if I keep him confined and off his feet as much as possible. I've been keeping him off his bed, which he's not to happy about! But it's a love seat and he'd have to climb to get into it, so we've been sleeping in the living room since I got home. He has some cushions but he still wants his bed. Poor baby! It's hard to watch him go through this. I hate seeing him suffer.

This has really taken a lot of my focus lately, so I really don't have anything else to write about right now. And yes, I'm trying. :-)

More

Well the job didn't work out, the woman changed her mind and decided she could only afford part time and a teenager at that. On the bright side an old client called and wants me to do some more work for her. So, it all works out.

I am still working on the positive, schooling my thoughts as much as I can, working on seeing all of this as an opportunity rather than something bad. With time I'll get better at it. I'm just going to concentrate on money and work, getting new furniture and a car. I'll work on figuring out my relationship issues later. Because it goes without saying, my judgment in that sector needs some work. But I've decided I don't need to work on it right now. I can get all introspective later. :-)

Another Post

A good thing happened yesterday. I got a bite on a job. So keep your fingers crossed it works out.

Other than that I'm still working on this focus/being positive thing. I've been watching "feel good" videos and staying away from the negative people, and I'm finding an ironic twist. The people who think they are very positive have been the most negative in their advice. Interesting, isn't it? It's the same way everybody thinks they are a good person no matter what they do. I should do a science experiment. Maybe I could write a book.

The other thing is that I can't get away from knowing what Edwin is up to. I've cut off every access to information about him that I can think of and yet it still finds me. Oh well, at least it confirms some suspicions and that makes me feel a little less crazy. That is another good thing. Hey, I'm up to two good things! I think I'll shoot for three tomorrow. :-)

Focus

Today I am trying to get focused. It's like my mind is on a circular track and I need to somehow make it get off and do something different. It feels like (and mind you I know it's just my brain running that track) Like everything in my life is set up to make anything I do or want to do more difficult than it should be. Winter, the bus system, Joco's health and my own are just a few of the things getting in the way. And then there is that focus problem. It's hard to move forward when you no longer trust yourself to make a good decision or believe you have the capability. Again, logically I know it's all in my head, but emotionally, well, emotions have been taking over. The goal for the day is to get unstuck and focus, even if just for a half an hour. Baby steps, right?

So, on to the positive. (See, I'm working on it.) I have good friends. (include cousins in that) Really good friends. Not a lot, but the ones I have are wonderful. I have even gained a friend through this. Someone else going through the same thing. We've been having great online sessions. It helps to get it out. Of course when these things happen, you do find out who your friends really are. I have lost a few that I thought were my friends, but it's their loss. I've been there for them, and they have lost that support system. It's sad, but I can live with it. If they feel they have to choose, then so be it. Occasionally you need to weed the garden or the weeds will choke out the flowers. I will keep moving forward with my small but wonderful group of friends.