Joco

Joco has comforted me through two marriages, three deaths and was my first thought in the morning when I woke. Most of my friends brought him treats when they visited or knew where the treat jar was and would give him one as soon as they entered the house.



Strangers would stop us on the street to tell me what a pretty dog he was and would often have treats on hand they would give him. That happened so many times I lost track of the numbers. One woman actually stopped in the middle of an intersection to give him one. One of my neighbors at the old house would buy him a bone every time she went to the store and threw it over the fence on the way back home.



Then there were the "manly men." You know the type; pickup driving, hunting and fishing men would would light up when they met him, usually saying "He's so big!" with envy in their eyes. Joco inspired love.



When I say Joco was the best dog ever, it's not just me. I have a lot of believers in that statement. With Joco gone I feel like I've lost part of me.

Joco

Joco has been having health problems and they were decidedly worse when I got back from NY. It looks like he had a bad fall while I was gone and damaged his back. The vet gave me more pain killers and anti-inflammatory pills, but he's really having a bad time of it. At this point he can barely walk and his hind legs only support him part of the time. I've been half carrying him outside when he has to go, which is difficult with a 100 pound dog to say the least. I'm just hoping he'll get better if I keep him confined and off his feet as much as possible. I've been keeping him off his bed, which he's not to happy about! But it's a love seat and he'd have to climb to get into it, so we've been sleeping in the living room since I got home. He has some cushions but he still wants his bed. Poor baby! It's hard to watch him go through this. I hate seeing him suffer.

This has really taken a lot of my focus lately, so I really don't have anything else to write about right now. And yes, I'm trying. :-)

More

Well the job didn't work out, the woman changed her mind and decided she could only afford part time and a teenager at that. On the bright side an old client called and wants me to do some more work for her. So, it all works out.

I am still working on the positive, schooling my thoughts as much as I can, working on seeing all of this as an opportunity rather than something bad. With time I'll get better at it. I'm just going to concentrate on money and work, getting new furniture and a car. I'll work on figuring out my relationship issues later. Because it goes without saying, my judgment in that sector needs some work. But I've decided I don't need to work on it right now. I can get all introspective later. :-)

Another Post

A good thing happened yesterday. I got a bite on a job. So keep your fingers crossed it works out.

Other than that I'm still working on this focus/being positive thing. I've been watching "feel good" videos and staying away from the negative people, and I'm finding an ironic twist. The people who think they are very positive have been the most negative in their advice. Interesting, isn't it? It's the same way everybody thinks they are a good person no matter what they do. I should do a science experiment. Maybe I could write a book.

The other thing is that I can't get away from knowing what Edwin is up to. I've cut off every access to information about him that I can think of and yet it still finds me. Oh well, at least it confirms some suspicions and that makes me feel a little less crazy. That is another good thing. Hey, I'm up to two good things! I think I'll shoot for three tomorrow. :-)

Focus

Today I am trying to get focused. It's like my mind is on a circular track and I need to somehow make it get off and do something different. It feels like (and mind you I know it's just my brain running that track) Like everything in my life is set up to make anything I do or want to do more difficult than it should be. Winter, the bus system, Joco's health and my own are just a few of the things getting in the way. And then there is that focus problem. It's hard to move forward when you no longer trust yourself to make a good decision or believe you have the capability. Again, logically I know it's all in my head, but emotionally, well, emotions have been taking over. The goal for the day is to get unstuck and focus, even if just for a half an hour. Baby steps, right?

So, on to the positive. (See, I'm working on it.) I have good friends. (include cousins in that) Really good friends. Not a lot, but the ones I have are wonderful. I have even gained a friend through this. Someone else going through the same thing. We've been having great online sessions. It helps to get it out. Of course when these things happen, you do find out who your friends really are. I have lost a few that I thought were my friends, but it's their loss. I've been there for them, and they have lost that support system. It's sad, but I can live with it. If they feel they have to choose, then so be it. Occasionally you need to weed the garden or the weeds will choke out the flowers. I will keep moving forward with my small but wonderful group of friends.

Darker Posts

A warning to those who don't want to know about the darker parts of my brain. This will most likely not be a very happy blog for a while, but that's life. Shit happens, as they say, and you have to go through it and learn how to deal with it in order for things to get better. So, stop reading NOW if you don't want to go there with me. I'm trying to be honest as I can with myself here. It won't be pretty. I also won't take it personally if you stop reading.

I'm trying very hard to get my sanity back. Trying to keep moving forward. Trying just to keep moving. I'm thinking I want a day job so that I have some stability and know how much money is coming in every month rather than scrambling after clients and trying to get them to pay me on time. Right now that seems like a lot less stress, although I may be kidding myself. I really don't know. And that is really the crux of the problem. I feel like I don't know anything. Having some motivation is also hard right now. Getting myself moving in a good direction is hard when I really don't know what I want. That's why I've been concentrating on house stuff. It's easy. It doesn't require any great knowledge or confidence. And believe me. I have no real confidence right now.

It seems like when you go through this stuff all of reality is up for questioning. What's right? What's wrong? What am I really capable of? The feeling of failure is strong and seeps into everything, not just relationships. Like I said, I know I'm crazy right now, but I don't know how to get past that and I don't have time to take off of work, wether it be working for me or somebody else. Life doesn't wait for you too get your head together. So here I go, moving forward the best I can and hoping that I make some good decisions. Hoping that I have the energy to do this.

Babies!

So I just found out that another friend is pregnant! Yea! It's funny because I found out on Face book and just now realized that her comment on my crochet post was telling me that. I thought she really meant she wanted a toy for herself! My only excuse is that my brain isn't up to par right now. But WOW! YEA!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS! Seriously, I am so very happy for them. It's so nice to have so many good things to be happening for my friends. I will be living vicariously through them for a while and loving every minute of it.

Confessions

Tim Burton exhibit in NY.

Finally, I'm blogging. It's been hard for me to blog because I was having problems with Edwin and I've been editing myself here. I would start to blog and then stop many times. So now I'm out of the closet. Edwin is gone. I'm redecorating the house. Even now it's hard to be serious about it. Talking to people is not my strong suit when things go wrong. So, suffice to say that I make very bad choices.

I really am redecorating though. I painted the living room and recovered the dining room chairs. This is easier for me to handle if I make the place my own and all about me. When we moved in together we had two of everything. He was so in love with his own stuff I got rid of mine. It didn't matter that much to me. Now though, I find he decided that that means everything is his, and I have no couch, no bed, no microwave and only a few DVDs. Luckily, it is just stuff (although I really miss my Tomb Raider) and it can all be replaced. So I'm concentrating on the positive. I get to get new, or at least, new to me stuff.

I wish I could say that this kind of thing gets easier when you've done it a few times, but it doesn't. And that is about all I can confess to today.

New York

I'm packing for my trip to New York today which is my birthday gift from Pam. I'm not sure what we will be doing, she's keeping it secret. I do know I have to bring a swim suit. So I'm thinking maybe a hot tub? That's probably because I'd really like to thaw right now. :-) I do know that whatever we will be doing it will be fun and it will be really good to spend time with Pam.

When I get back, which will be on Wednesday, I'm planning to revamp the house and make some studio space. I'm really looking forward to be able have one again. It also looks like there will be a possible job. It will be a bit of a hassle getting there and back, but I'm not complaining, money is a good thing. I like money. A lot.

That's about it today. I'll try to take lots of pictures for the next post. :-)

Baby Things

With Emily's baby due soon I figure it's time to start working on baby things. Emily's mother is an avid crocheter, knitter, and seamstress. Not to mention everything she does comes out perfect. Since she'll most likely provide Emily with the standard baby things I decided it's my job to provide the geek baby things. Here are the first two.


Dalek

He's stuffed with quilt batting so he's very light and fluffy.


Baby Cthulhu


Back. See the little wings?

Friends, Work and Kitties

I went out to dinner with Emily and Tony last night to discuss and plan the Convergence commercials we're working on and just had the best time. We spent half the time working and half the time getting caught up on people we haven't seen in a while. Or maybe I could call it gossiping? Is it gossiping when nothing bad is said? Anyway, I felt like a kid again. It was fun.

The housing inspector came yesterday and all the work I did was approved. Yea! But it felt weird to suddenly be done in a matter of minutes when it's taken me all month to do the work. :-) Today feels like a day off because the repairs are done, but in reality I have lots to do. I have two programs to learn; Final Cut Pro and Story Board Pro. I have a business plan to work on and, well, lets just say I won't be bored and I won't get done with it all.

Guinness, our 15 pound kitty came lumbering into the bedroom last night. Lumbering is the only word that I can think of that fits the way he walks. He's not graceful like cats are supposed to be. He hits the floor so hard with his feet that he sounds like a full grown human walking through the house. He walks with a slight pull to one side, his shoulders hunch up and the feet don't always match up. Last night he came up on the bed, stepping on me, sliding off, stepping on me and sliding off, every pound finding a sore spot on my body. He finally got to my head. Purring and putting all his weight behind it he gave me a resounding head butt. It hurt and I thought, I love this cat.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Monty Python - Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Devil's Quote

ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.

To men a man is but a mind. Who cares
What face he carries or what form he wears?
But woman's body is the woman. O,
Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go,
But heed the warning words the sage hath said:
A woman absent is a woman dead.
Jogo Tyree

From THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY
by Ambrose Bierce

On that happy thought I'm going out to breakfast with Emily and her mom and dad this morning. They all all such nice people. Then I will probably do more house repair stuff.

Rant

OK, I'm annoyed. Again. So today you get a badly written rant.

This time it's because of Internet scams like "allexperts" or "examiner." These places use people for little or no money and then make tons of money off them with advertising. Really, it makes me nuts. People who end up working for them don't care because they believe it gives them exposure and will somehow help with their success. But that's kind of like saying working at a dive diner will help you on your way to being a head chef. Not very likely. Meanwhile, the ease of getting free or almost free workers drops the going pay rate for these types of job. Everyone gets hurt. It makes me mad.

"You get what you pay for." Remember that saying? Well, not too many other people do these days. While looking for more clues into Joco's mysterious limp, that even the vet can't diagnose, I ran into one of these sites that proclaim they have experts to answer your questions. Let's just say the woman "expert" shouldn't have been let out of her cage long enough to type. She not only did not answer the poor dog owner's question, who was asking for advise, but she decided the dog owner was somehow trying to be cheap and not pay for a vet. She berated the dog owner for asking for help. Nice.

But don't get me wrong, it's not all bad. I really do the the availability to get good information on the internet. I do it all the time. I love instructables.com, Make Magazine and a number of other sites I visit regularly. I just hate that for every good thing, there is someone out there scamming people with it.

One internet rant wont stop it. I don't believe it will ever go away. I'll still say, people do bad things because we let them. Remember Walmart? Sure you do, they never went away. Have they started treating their employees better? Have they stopped demanding manufacturers to make inferior, cheaper products for their stores? Of course not. We still shop there.

Things You wish You Said

You might have already seen this, but it's just sooo good!

Miles To Go

I'm tired. So far I've;
rewired and repaired the faulty wiring in the laundry room.
Installed wiring and a permanent light in the furnace room.
Put in two 3-way light switches in the stairway.
Took apart and cleaned the dryer exhaust. (Edwin helped.)
Took down the dropped ceiling in the laundry room.
Started tiling and repairing holes in the bathroom. (OMG, there is a lot of mold.)
Added a fire detector. Easiest job ever!
Repaired the carpet.

I still have to raise the kitchen sink, which is threatening to fall through any second as the supports have rusted through. Install a dead bolt in the side door and paint the windows, which luckily isn't due until June. Of course everything took longer than it should because the house is old and most things were repaired the wrong way. I'd start a project just to find out I had to go back to the hardware store, again and again. Happily, I'm almost done. For now.

I've also been working on the new business. Kevin has joined me and we've been eating up the rest of my time working on it, and I have to say it's going well. That makes me happy. But I am tired. And I could use some actual hard, cold cash. Oh, and some warm weather would be nice.

Did I tell you I started a diet? I am going to be so crabby. :-)

Stupid Minnesota

This skeleton appeared in the window while I was making soup.

It's 7 above but it feels like -6. That didn't help me cheer up when I woke up crabby this morning. I never understand that. Was it a dream I had but don't remember? Whatever it is, I am still crabby. Actually, bitter is more like it.

January is a tough month for me. February really isn't much better. It's just too cold and dark in Minnesota, but I'm stuck here because of Edwin and Quentin. That's not a bad reason to be stuck, but I still hate the weather. And I'm still bitter. Right now what I really want is to curl up in a hot bath with good book and have someone else work on the house, pay the bills and in the meantime bring my coffee to the tub for me.

That's not going to happen.

Instead, the plan is to shovel out the stuff Edwin buried in the driveway and bring them in the garage. Clean the drier hose, Replace some of the pieces. Install a light switch in the stairway, fix the carpet in the stairway, install a fire detector in the hallway... OK. I won't keep going on, the list is too long, but you get the idea why I'll probably not be any less bitter by the end of the day. There is just so much to do and I want to be lazy. LAZY!

Yo YoVille!

No really, they named this game YoVille. I'm not kidding. Can anything scream louder, "I'm a geek trying to look cool!" ? It's just too funny. And yes, I play it. Why? Because it lets me buy furniture I can afford and fit into my "House." I love to decorate. Other than that, it's a really lame game. There is nothing else fun to do. The gifts are lame, the incentives are lame and making money is lame... and limited in a big way.

I just can't figure out how Zynga, the creator of FarmVille, could produce such a bomb. It's a different team of programmers and artists I suppose. Still, isn't there some kind of quality control? Hmmm. Good thing I'm not a programmer. I'd probably suck too.

Without further ado, I present my YoVille home.


The Living room.


The Kitchen.


The Bedroom. Yes, I switch styles and basically just have fun with the rooms.


The Toy Room. If only they had more cool toys. The Tesla Ball is fun though!


The Secret Room.

Coolest idea ever on VoVille. Who doesn't want a secret room? Remember the bookcase in the bedroom? Yup, it's just behind there. The strange spiral door eludes me though. Is it supposed to be in another dimension? Huh. Whatever, I still love all the book cases it came with and promptly made a library out of it.


The Bathroom.


The Halloween Room made out of Halloween leftovers. If I get another room I'll probably add a Christmas room.


The Hallway.

Ok, I took a lot of liberty with this one, but hey, it's winter and I needed something "green!"

Now back to work. Go!

Gaiman, Tweets and Ice

Neil Gaiman

This picture of Neil Gaiman with a chainsaw made my morning. It was taken by Fairytale Vegas. You can see her work on Flickr here. Click through lots of her pictures. Make her stats soar!

I just downloaded Tweetdeck again. I was using it for a while, and enjoying it a lot when they updated and suddenly it wouldn't load anymore. Now though, it works perfectly, which makes me very happy because I missed it! It really helps you stay on top of your connections without having to keep going back to the different social accounts individually. It saves a lot of time.

I've been thinking lately that maybe one way to make money would be to Tweet or update Facebook accounts for businesses. What do you think? Seems to me that a lot of the businesses are a bit shy when it comes to the social networking/advertising. Meanwhile, I would love it. Maybe?

And last, but not least, I hate winter. It's snowing, windy and freezing again. Everything is so iced over it's dangerous to walk around the block. So of course the only way I can get anywhere is to walk 8 blocks to the bus. Oh, and we have no sidewalks. And while I'm whining... I miss the sun.

Metal, Paper and Joco

Cal Lane

I was just stunned by this guy's work that I saw posted on Dude Craft and felt the need to post it here for those of you not following Paul Overton's blog, Dude Craft. And by the way, why aren't you following Dude Craft? IT ROCKS!

Making lace out of tools and other metals is amazing. I'm not crazy about lacy things, really. Or the color pink, or the rest of the girly stuff. Yeah, I pretty much suck at being a girl, but Cal Lane's art I would gladly display if I could afford it.


Gaming Paper

For those of you who are into gaming, check out Gaming Paper's Big Mini Giveaway. I've already entered. You should too! Then check out the site. It's cool. Geeky cool!


Joco

Poor Joco is still having health issues. He's still limping and we still don't know why. The vet sent us home with pain killers and the standard, "He's getting old" speech. I'm really sick of vets, and doctors. Maybe it's just been my luck to find the ones that just want to send you home with more drugs without treating the problem, or even finding out what the problem is.

So now I'm applying heat to his latest bump growing on his leg. The heat makes the antibodies converge at the spot and work on the problem. So far I've had lots of luck with this method and a little massage as well to keep the circulation going. The vet's method is to tell you to come back if it becomes a problem so that they can remove it or drain it and then give you antibiotics to give the pet, but no talk about heat packs and massage. Yes. I am bitter. And even poorer after paying the vet.

Xmas Zombies and More

Zombie Mice

Somehow, the holiday season has become all about zombies for us. We shoot zombies on the Wii, eat zombie mice and drink brains. Ok, we couldn't get through the brains, they were way too sweet and too high in alcohol. Seriously. One sip and you were done. Not to mention they curdled. Ew.


The undrinkable Brain.


This guy went for the whole head. Keeps the brain fresh.



I did get lots of yarn for xmas, which made me very happy. I have lot's of knitting to do with Emily's baby on the way.


Part of the gift stash. Enough to keep us busy for a while.


and more...



Did I mention how much snow we've been getting and how cold it's been? I hate this. The high this week is supposed to be 9 degrees. Yeah, I really hate this.


Frost

I do love the frost though, if I'm looking at it from the inside anyway. It just seems like nothing else in nature. It has no uniformity. Nothing like snowflakes and their 6 sides. It just follows the window's faults and patterns from the moisture in the air or the last time you washed the windows. Sometimes it's jagged, sometimes smooth. In the picture above it reminds me of ferns. Of course, it also means your house is not properly sealed and insulated for the winter... Sigh.



I crocheted some bracelets for gifts this year. I know, who crochets bracelets? But I wanted to keep them, they were so warm! I think I'm going to have to make some for myself. No one has ever accused me of being fashionable. :-)